


Ara Ma'athlan Vhenas

by ghostwise



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, because it's 2019 and we're still sad about tamlen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostwise/pseuds/ghostwise
Summary: Mahariel revisits the day he and Tamlen found the eluvian. Note: Brief suicide ideation/discussion.





	Ara Ma'athlan Vhenas

In another world, maybe, he is braver.

Tamlen reaches for the mirror, and in that split-second where the eluvian activates, the world tips–and Mahariel reaches first. Pulling him back.

No hesitation, no fear. Not like the first time.

The mirror is still active when Hamal comes to, its surface shining with an energy that is outright malevolent. His first though is to get away from it as quickly as possible, but Tamlen is still unconscious beside him, and he feels  _so_ drained, so impossibly tired…

“What happened?” Tamlen asks. “The mirror…”

“We have to go,” Hamal manages. The thought of spending another moment near the eluvian sends him, unsteadily, to his feet.

In this world, they leave the cave together. The forest is eerily still. No birds, no insects humming.

The clan’s campsite, too, is empty when they reach it.

“They left in a hurry,” Tamlen says. “Shemlen, no doubt.”

“The ones we killed?” Hamal asks. “But- how-?”

“I don’t know, but they  _wouldn’t_  leave us behind. Keeper Marethari wouldn’t- They were running from something!  _We weren’t here to help._ ”

“We can catch up to them,” Hamal offers. “Tell her what happened. The Keeper may know more about what we found.”

“But she’ll be furious with us…”

“I’ll take the blame.” Hamal sets a hand on his shoulder. He shakes him, gently drawing his gaze. He notes the sweat on his skin and the shadows under his eyes.

“Don’t worry.”

He says the words, but as they set off he cannot shake the sense that something is wrong.

~

They will not catch up to their clan.

Tamlen is feverish. Some illness, something from the cave. Hamal has it, too, but he presses on for both their sakes. If not their clan, maybe they can find a healer… a village with medicine… something to help.

He chews elfroot, but it is of little use. He forages for mushrooms and grasses to eat, but Tamlen can’t keep any of it down. He finds fresh water, but it does nothing for their parched throats.

He is thankful they are together. He could have lost him in that cave. The thought makes tears well up, hot and brimming in his weak eyes.

That night Hamal keeps his bow close, watching Tamlen sleep. Resolute not to lose him. 

But they’re already lost.

~

He’s feeling worse, but it’s much easier to give into the sickness than to try and fight its steady progress. Tamlen grows quiet, and it’s peaceful in a sense, just the two of them wandering the woods like when they were children.

Aimless and without purpose, they talk about everything. Secrets and lies they’ve told. Hopes and wishes for a future they won’t get to experience.

And they laugh over shared memories. They’ve had a good life, if short.

It’s Tamlen who eventually confides in him, showing him a vial from his pack.

“Look,” he says, “I took it off one of the shemlen we killed.”

“Why did they have this?” Hamal asks, looking at the poison. He recognizes it. This one is quick and painless, and leaves most of the meat still good for eating. Poison for arrows, for hunting.

“For death.” Tamlen tilts the glass carefully, catching sunbeams off its surface. “It’s all they’re good for, isn’t it? But, I’m thinking, it’s a good thing I kept it. Maybe we were meant to stop them. Meant to find that cave. You know…”

Hamal watches him intently. He usually has a good grasp of what Tamlen is thinking, and can see his words plainly before he speaks them.

“We are going to die, lethallin.”

“It seems so.”

“I do not know what manner of illness struck us. Maybe it is not an illness at all, but magic, twisted and corrupted. It is all tied to those shemlen. They are to blame, I know it. And I do not want to wait for it to claim me. Do you?”

Hamal considers the question. It seems so clear, so obvious. 

“Let us go meet Falon’din, with courage. With our heads held high.  _Together_.”

Tamlen has never had to convince him of much. His clever eyes and quick wit never led them astray before.

“You’re right, as usual,” Hamal admits. “It feels hateful, this illness. It’s boiling my blood. My head aches and my eyes are blurring. I think soon I won’t even be able to see you. Better to halt it now…”

“That’s right. It’ll be so nice to just rest, lay down in the moss and its welcoming green fur and the grasses and leaves and flowers,” Tamlen whispers. “And the insects to feed on flesh, and the trees to grow where we died. And no one to know. Just you and me, and we can mourn each other, so, neither of our deaths will go unnoticed.”

“But I will miss this life with you in it,” Hamal says hesitantly. 

He looks at Tamlen, Tamlen who smiles back, almost unnaturally wide, holding out the vial of poison…

“ _Hamal?_ ”

The moment seems to freeze like an image in a painting, dappled in sun, mossy green. And Alistair, terrified, holding his hands out to him.

“Put that down,” he says, unable to keep a tremble from his voice. “That’s… that’s not your friend. Come with me,  _please_.”

“Alistair…?”

Tamlen is on his feet quicker than it seems possible. “Do not listen to this man, lethallin,” he assures him. “He is seeking revenge for the bandits we killed.”

“Hamal, I’m your  _friend_. We were at Ostagar together. We were trapped… the tower was on fire, darkspawn everywhere… We were the  _only ones_ who survived, remember?”

He does remember, but with remembering comes a rush of mourning.

“You have to remember. None of this is real! It’s just a bad dream. We’re in the Circle Tower.  _Come with me._ ”

“Take your bow, lethallin,” Tamlen urges him, in a voice that is not his own. “Poison the arrows. Do not heed his  _lies!_ ”

It’s like losing him all over again. Hamal stares at the demon, wondering how he could have ever believed it was him.

“It’s  _not real,_  Hamal,” Alistair says again.

“Yes. Yes, I know.” 

Hamal, stunned and empty, drops the vial in the dirt and rises to his feet. 

**Author's Note:**

> It never made sense to me that Mahariel would see Duncan in the Fade, and since I play the Circle quest first, it always comes at a time where he is still reeling over the loss of his friend.
> 
> Thanks for reading! This is posted on Tumblr as well! https://ghostwise.tumblr.com/post/185304835524/ara-maathlan-vhenas-content-warning-suicide


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